It would be the first shot without Papa there to hold him so I didn't have to watch. I wasn't sure I could do it. I always wonder if we are too quick to medicate our children, especially with antibiotics. I question whether I am able to make the right decisions for my son since I can't know everything. It had already been a long day, and I felt at my breaking point with exhaustion and sadness, but I knew what I had to do. So we waited for the nurse, and I held Jules while he cried with impatience. It was a bigger shot, and thicker, and he cried even harder after it, but I did it. I nursed him after, and that seemed to help. Some days it is harder being a mom than others. Some days I wonder if I am getting it right. Only time will tell.
He didn't want to go back into his stroller right away, and he was going to have to because we had to walk home, so we went up to the front desk and picked out a red plastic elephant for him to play with. It would go well with his blue rhino from his previous visit. Eventually I was able to coax him into his seat and we headed outside. Once we were out on the sidewalk, we called Papa, and he was able to talk to Julian. He loves to hear his Papa through the phone, so grins were instantaneous even though he still had tears in his eyes.
We stopped by the store to pick up something quick for dinner since it was just going to be the two of us. I grabbed some Amy's Mac, and some steamed broccoli and carrots to go with the left over roasted chicken I had made this weekend. He ate a better dinner than he had in ages, even trying to scoop some mac off my plate with his spoon. He seemed so intent on doing it himself that I started putting all the bites on his spoon, and he proceeded to feed himself almost his entire dinner this way, with a 95% success rate of food to mouth!
And today, well today has been a much better day. He woke up all smiles at 8AM this morning, after only one wake up all night. He ate a hearty breakfast with Papa while I went to Yoga, and then took a good morning nap after nursing when I got home. I managed to drop and break his glass bottle of antibiotics that we were supposed to finish (clumsy mama!), but one call to the doctor and she said as long as he was better today we didn't have to worry about finishing it. He's done a complete 180, and it's so much better having my happy boy back today. It hurts me to see him hurting, and not having any control of it, and not being able to help him feel better, but it helps to know that I had made the right decision. One day at a time I guess.